Shiny Raccoon Baby Syndrome.

If there was a class in Life titled: "Waiting 101", I would fail. Well, I wouldn't fail, but I would probably be in the "D" neighborhood.

Really.

I have Shiny Raccoon Baby Syndrome. I will admit that this affliction may or may not have contributed to us getting in this situation in the first place. Some people may disagree with my syndrome's level of culpability and say that it was THE reason we are in this predicament.

Shiny Raccoon Baby Syndrome: chronic "distractability" by new, bright, shiny things that are eventually (some might argue in acute cases, "Quickly" instead of "eventually") replaced by the next shiny, bright, new thing to compete for the attention of the victim. Side effects may include focusing so intently on the shiny brightness that important details are not noticed until too late. Or perhaps their importance is not noted until it is too late. No known cure.

Remember: "Waiting 101": D

So. It has come to this. Yesterday, our neighbor asked, "Have you planted St. Joseph?"

Huh?

Now, much to my mother's disappointment and how many years of R.E.P. (Religious Education Program), I am no longer a practicing Catholic. There it is. Nor am I really looking to get back in the groove. I am willing, however, to use what might help us sell this house....and in this case, it just might be St. Joseph.

Ironically, I just read about this in an article a couple of days ago, last week, last month....it was recently. Apparently, you "plant" (bury) a figure of St. Joseph in your yard and he helps your house sell. I am willing to give it a shot.

So we bought this:

Yep. An actual St. J figurine. WITH instructions.

Various details and specifications on how/where to bury him:

-upside down

-in the rear yard

-3' from the rear of the house

-facing the house

-simply placed on the property

-right-side up

-in the FRONT yard

-exactly 12" deep

-facing away from the house

-when house sells, remove figurine

There appears to be a bit of contradictory information here.

The instructions we got with the St. Joe say that all that doesn't mean anything. Wonderful! "What does mean everything is that the seller asks St. Joseph for his help, believes that he will intercede and trusts him." That's it.

They also included a prayer, if you are so inclined. Oh and if you sell your house for more than expected, an offering to St. Joseph might be in line.

For those of you that are already sending emissaries my way because you detect a mocking tone: Stop right there. There is no mocking. I never knew this existed. I am kind of amazed that it has packaging and 1960's advertising script and apparently this is the "authentic" St. Joseph....it is in the first picture, in green cursive writing, I am not sure that you can read it.

Who am I to say that it doesn't work? Does St. Joseph care if I haven't been to mass in probably over 10 years? Or that the last time I went was at Christmas Eve and I pretty much bawled through the whole mass because I thought the music was so beautiful and was a little jealous of someone whose faith is so deep, strong, undying that they create such music or build beautiful monuments to inspire and awe......or rely and trust in their God to take care of them or have a higher purpose or plan. I don't have that kind of faith. I don't consider myself an unreligious person, or unspiritual....I just don't think Catholicism is the gig for me.

I am of the mindset, and absolutely NO disrespect meant here, that religions, God, Gods, high powers, what-have-you......is like ice cream. The different world religions are all ice cream, just different flavors that appeal to different situations, different people, different cultures.

Which brings me back to St. Joe. If it is all symbolic, then does it matter that I haven't been to mass? I don't think so. If that means that I believe that the symbol can help--or at the very least can't hurt---then, what is the harm? I can't prove that it doesn't work? (And eventually the house will sell, so it will always have the possibility to be attributed to this symbolic act.)

Even for Catholics, true believers, burying St. Joseph and asking him for help can be symbolic. I realize that having faith is believing something even though you can't prove or disprove it.

In any case, we have to pick a spot and remember to mark it. You are supposed to dig him up and take him with you to your new house and place him in a place of honor for his help.

I'll keep ya posted. Over and out.