Why Do I Open My Bigass Mouth?

So. Here's the scene. The past 5 days have been spent discussing the conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians. The background, who said what when, who did what when, why, and why, and why, and causes and effects and why, and why. Today is the final day of the unit; and I have them work in groups on an online simulation/game. It rocks.

The goal is to get 100% approval ratings for both the Israelis and the Palestinians..... oh and the world, too. So, you know, that's pretty easy and all.

They play the parts of either the Palestinian President or the Israeli Prime Minister. As a teacher, it is always one of my favorite days. Exhibit A: Students engaged. For and hour and a half. Exhibit B: Said students working....gasp....together. And I mean, not just one student doing all the work and the rest texting each other on their cell phones. As a teacher, I hate cell phones. As me, I heart them. I am complex.

Exhibit C: By the end of the game, they "get it". They understand that you just can't blow everything up, you can't give Jerusalem to one side and expect no repercussions, you can't "make" them get along. Much like me, the issue is complex. The issue might be a little more so than moi.

So, this was the first year that I offered extra credit for those groups that could succeed in getting an approval rating for BOTH sides of at least 30. My first thinking was: "No way." But two groups did it. I had one of the groups getting up into the 70s and 80s for approval percentages and it was nearing the end of the class. Other groups were giving up as they were in the negative approval ratings and were coming over to watch the group that was now in the 80s and 90s. Here's where I made my mistake. I open my mouth and said, "If you can get 100% approval for both sides, I'll make cookies for the whole class." As soon as I said it, in my head, I said, "Shit. Why did I go and say that?"

So. Yep. Uh-huh. So right. With 30 fat seconds to go before the bell, the majority of the class in a U-Shape around the group, cheering them on, giving advise, reasoning out pros and cons of each action, glancing nervously at the clock, they did it.

A cheer goes up from the peanut gallery, slaps on the back, "way to go"s all around and one soul says, "Ms. SoThereThen, you really are gonna make us cookies, right? You weren't lying, right?"

What do you say to that? "Yeah, I don't have any eggs. (Which I don't. Crap.)"

So, my last class, which is also the same content...World Studies, had heard about said incentive. So. Yep. Uh-huh. So right. Have to be fair. They also got one group that had 100% for both sides. So, now I am making cookies for two classes. Which isn't all that bad as I had promised someone in our house that I would make "Not Bad" cookies. (I used whole wheat bread flour last time and apparently that equals less than tasty.).

So, I am off to the store for eggs.

The funny thing is, I am at the District Office tomorrow for a meeting all day; the students are going to think I am avoiding them. I can just tell them I had to take the day off to make them cookies.

Okay, I Teach Geography and I Didn't Know This.

Did you? I thought it was just a little bit cool. We learn something everyday.

The Equator Freak Zone


Plus, it is a cool website to browse around.

Phoning It In.

I heart test days. We have a short week because of MEA (Statewide professional development convention......I have never been. Our district doesn't require it, so I have never really been motivated on my own to go.) and today was the last day of the week.

It is usually the day where I give a big world map test re-take and then the kids don't have homework over the long weekend. I always hated the teachers that would assign a huge project or paper over a long weekend. I try not to be "that" teacher too often.

Some kids have already tested out and passed the test, so they had a study hall. The ones that were taking the test, were a little stressed. A few were "sick" and a few were not accounted for. In addition, many of the students that passed the first one, were taking the PSATs today, so it was nice that they were not missing anything crucial by being gone.

Every block--the whole block, 90 minutes, was used by at least one student. Blessed quiet. Blessed productive-ish work. The majority of the kids did better, some much better, on the second test. Some did not.

From a teaching stand point, there was a whole lot of not much direct teaching going on today. AND......I was able to get them all corrected before I left, so I ALSO do not have homework. Not true. The end of the quarter is in two and a half weeks, I will be teaching a new class (Western Civilization) next quarter and I have read exactly one section of the first chapter. Yikes. It takes a lot to plan and prep for an entirely new class. So. That is what I will be doing over much of my long weekend.

That is really, truly one of my least favorite parts of being a teacher. I get extremely jealous of those folks that can leave their jobs at their job. When they metaphorically punch the clock, they are done.

Eh. I won't have the alarm going off at 5:30 tomorrow morning. I will probably still friggin' wake up at 5:30, but I don't have to get up then. Yay.

Dunk Tank Update.

It. Wasn't. That. Bad.

Mostly, well all, because they heated up the water. They ran a hose from the school kitchen, hot water tap on full blast, and filled that puppy up. (Tax dollars at work, folks. I certainly am not complaining in this case, mind you.) That first dunking was like a warm bath by the time it was my turn. The second, however, was much more pleasant. MUCH. Because.......once you are wet, then the cold air isn't so pleasant. Really, not at all, if I must be completely honest. But there were so many kids that were hell bent on dunking a teacher that I spent most of my turn IN the water rather than perched above it. Which was rather nice.

Although I think cheaterpants who pretend to be coming up to pick up the thrown balls and really they are there to hit the seat release lever with their hand should get in trouble. Really big trouble. I'm not talking expulsion here, but a very firm talking to by someone. Who isn't dripping wet. Being dripping wet just makes said student giggle with glee. There was no chagrin, no remorse, no regret. Just giggling. Gleefully. Maybe even in the neighborhood or a cackle or two.

Dunk Tank.

Not a typo. For the love of Jane, what on earth would possess me to volunteer to sit in a dunk tank during Homecoming week, in Minnesota, outside, when the high is supposed to be 57 degrees? Why I ask you, I beseech you.........WHY? I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.......if I make it. I already have kids saying they are bringing in bags of cash. Great. Fantastic. You played baseball? A pitcher? STAR pitcher, you say? Wonderful. Congratulations.

Maybe it should be drunk tank. Cripes.

She Surfaces....

I feel as though I have been underwater and far, far away. It has been two...three(?!?!) days since I last blogged. If you're Catholic, you KNOW you just thought of confessions. (I was raised Catholic and actually lied in my first official confession. I guess I was already doomed to hell after that...anything subsequent is just icing, right??) I didn't realize how much I missed checking in with you.

Why the delay? Well, there were stitches to remove from my head, a birthday dinner to prepare and serve, and yep.......already.......wait, wait for it.....Parent Teacher Conferences last night until 8pm. Plus, and here is where you will be jealous of my superior intelligence.....back at school this morning at 7:15---after a 12.5 hours day yesterday. I decided to crack down on foot dragging test maker uppers. Those students that delay and delay hoping the test that they skipped in the first place will go away. I gave a test on Wednesday and told kids they could make it up Thursday as I would already be at school for conferences. But, I had to offer a morning option for those with jobs and extra curriculars. So, I just tacked on the next morning. Without thinking. Friday morning. After conferences. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. I was the one who was dragging.

So, I shall complete a meme I lifted from Goldfish, who lifted it from Sunshine ( I feel like I am talking about the Strawberry Shortcake Mafia....I am no better with the appellation of So There Then Gal). It looked fun, you and I can get reacquainted and we shall merrily go forth. Thanks Goldfish (And indirectly Sunshine).


1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car): Sparky Cavalier

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fave ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Chocolate Slide..wait. That sounds way too close to a bathroom incident...I'm gonna lie (It's not like it will be the first time.) Chocolate Mule

3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal): Green Dog

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born): Marie Edina

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first three letters of your last name, first two of your first name): Berhe

6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Yellow Sparkling Water (SERIOUSLY?!?!?! Why the bathroom theme??)

7. NASCAR NAME (the first names of your grandfathers): Matt Reinhard

8. STRIPPER NAME ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Beautiful Swedish Fish (STU-pid.)
9. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your fifth grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Schmidt San Diego

10. SPY NAME (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Spring Poppy

11. CARTOON NAME (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Watermelon Jeans

12. HIPPIE NAME (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Oatmeal Linden


Over and out.

Ruined Names...

One of the casualties of being a teacher is that names get ruined.....forever. If we had decided to have kids, we'd be severely limited for name choices. There are names that I will never be able to utter without a student's face flashing in front of my eyes. Sorry to break it to ya, but it is almost never the good kids that stick out this way. It is the kids that make me question my sanity in career choices on a daily basis, if not a minute by minute crisis intervention inside my head. Those are always the ones whose names I remember.

There are also the multiples. I usually have a couple Brittanys ( or Britany or Britney or Brittney....arrgh.) in a quarter, if not a class period. Then there are the Ashleys, Amandas, and Alyssas. Kaylas, Kylies, and don't even get me started on the Kristen/Kirsten conundrum.

Boys are usually pretty straight forward: tons of Mike/Michaels, many Jakes, Joshs or Jacks, each class is always good for a Cody/Kody or two and maybe a Casey for good measure. I realize names are cyclical...but from a teacher viewpoint.....they all hit at once and I feel like a frazzled parent somedays that runs through all the kids' names (and sometimes the pets' names as well) before they hit on the right name for the kids that they are talking to or yelling at depending on the situation.

Can we just make a rule that you spell your name in a manner that doesn't take me twelve minutes to sound out like a first grader before I figure it out... Ctefani? I realize that you are forming your identity, but I am less concerned with how you are spelling your name today/this week and more concerned with how you are doing with the curriculum. Sorry. ( Disclaimer: I have never had a student with this spelling, I actually knew someone who spelled it this way when I was in junior high. I wonder if that was a phase or if she is still spelling it that way?)

Some Days....

I love my job. Really. I am that much of a teacher nerd. Although, I would venture to guess that most teachers get into teaching for two reasons. One: because they absolutely love teaching. They are teaching maniacs. Freaks, if you will. The other, less subtle, reason. Summers "off".

Probably not so much for the million dollar contract and endorsement kick backs, yeah?

Back to me being a nerd. There are days when I leave my classroom, or I am standing at the whiteboard writing something, or I am thinking about how a lesson went and I think:

"I seriously get paid to do this for a living."

It happens a lot during the first couple weeks of school for a variety of reasons:

ONE: I forget over the summer all the small annoyances associated with this job (Every job has them). TWO: I get to know a bunch of new students and make cool connections with them; we get to know each other as people, not as "teacher" and "student". This is one of my favorite parts of teaching....

--seeing the shy kid raise his hand and commenting on it later to him how it was a really well spoken idea

--the Body Snatched Students start sleeping in and my Real Students start showing their personalities and testing me to see how much of their true selves they can be in my class.

THIRDLY: I sometimes feel like I am "play acting". Not in the sense that I am faking it, just that I feel like it is just so much fun to be a teacher, that it can't be real. That it can't really be what I "am". FOUR: I still feel fresh, not burned out as many of us our right before winter break or.......the middle of May when everyone is sick of everyone else and chomping at the bit for summer. I have a ton of energy and big plans for the year.

Don't get me wrong, I blow no smoke, my name isn't Susie Sunshine, I do not skip to my classroom at 7:30 every morning, and I don't put smiley faces on papers when I correct them. Inevitably, there is a yin and yang. Every up has its down. Any other relevant cliche. Inevitably, of course, there are days where there was maybe just ONE too many dramatic sighs, eyerolls or tooth suck. Those are the days where I might tend to think, just for a brief moment: "I don't get paid enough for this s***...."

Comparisons

Teaching is like traveling to another country. With each August countdown, there is a flurry of preparation, a mental whirlwind of checking and re-checking lists, sure---absolutely positive---I have forgotten some crucial item.

I lay awake the night before the first day of school as I do the night before a journey begins. Anxious. A thousand ‘what-if’s’ running around, bumping into one another in my mind, jockeying for position in the forefront of my brain. “What if I oversleep?” “Have I packed_________?” “Did I make that seating chart for second block World Studies?” “What was the word for ‘Thank You’?” “How will I deal with the myriad of mishaps on the first day of school that could make or break me for the semester depending on how I deal with them?”

Eventually, the confidence in myself as a resourceful traveler and a competent and resourceful teacher takes over and eases the traffic jam in my mind….each worrying ‘what-if’ finding its luggage on the baggage carousel and leaving the terminal of my head.

The alarm goes off and I am too focused, too busy to worry and stew on the ‘what-ifs’ of the night before. I have a new journey to begin today. There is a familiarity to this movement. It is a new kind of comfortable anxiety. It is the anticipation for the unknown ahead that is finally about to become the commonplace.

I focus on getting the necessary tasks done, checking in for my flight, making sure I have all my lesson plan materials for the first lesson of the year and then I wait. Wait for that first boarding call, that first bell to signal students to start trying to find my classroom.

The plane breaks through the clouds on its descent and I get my first glimpses of the new landscape that will be my home for the next couple months as my first students tentatively enter my classroom. The first view is still too distorted to be able to see what it will “really” be like---the area viewed from above is a patchwork quilt, the students still unknown and unrecognizable.

The bell sounds--signaling it is safe to remove your seatbelt and signaling the start of class—and I am full steam ahead. Again with the tasks of getting luggage, taking attendance, finding my lodging, finding a way to put the new faces with new names.

But in all the flurry and activity, in the back of my mind, I am taking in as much as I can. The license plates on the cars look different and the streets are narrower, that-girl-in-the-back-appears-to-be-easily-distracted-I should-move-her-seat-closer-to-the-front. The radio playing in the car lends a surreal quality to the normal activity of riding in a car, but it doesn’t sound familiar and the scenery flashing by I have never seen before, yet there is a familiarity to the people walking the sidewalks, living their lives. I am back in my classroom after being gone for a couple months and it is again filled with students and the teaching gig is familiar but it is all new faces I have never seen before….so it appears familiar, yet it is not. Again, there are a myriad of brief flashy thoughts that dart in and out of my mind as I go about my business of starting the journey, starting the school year.

That first night, I get into bed, exhausted, depleted from the effort it took to take EVERYTHING in, as much as I can all at once and still complete the tasks I had to do that day in beginning my new journey. With each successive night, I become less exhausted and more aware that I am less out of my element and more at ease in the surroundings.

After a couple weeks, I think back and reflect upon my first impressions…do I even remember them? What stood out as so different? It seems so ‘normal’ now. Were those first impressions of the city, of the students, correct or was I basing those impressions on a previous experience because it looked/sounded/acted the same? I have discovered how to navigate the new streets and alleys and I have learned everyone’s name and their personal quirks unfold daily before me.

Without me being conscious of it, a couple months have passed. Where did the time go? The anxiety is long, long gone and I am in full stride of living overseas or teaching in a high school and the newness has worn off. Right before winter break, everyone is chomping at the bit to have a week or so reprieve and have a chance to recharge and reevaluate how it is all going. After a couple months in another country, I want a break, a reprieve a chance to re charge. I don’t want to have to remember words if foreign languages, I don’t want to have to listen to high school students give excuses why they don’t have their homework, I don’t want to have to figure out the different system to send a letter, I don’t want to have to remind students to bring their books to class. The newness has worn off and I just want to be comfortable and in control of my life again.

Thankfully, this quickly passes and things turn to a more positive light and what was difficult before suddenly seems to be a breeze and everything just sort of falls into place with only the occasional road bump to break things up and make it a unique and interesting experience.

Before I realize it, I am at rehearsal for graduation reading the names of students that a few years earlier I wasn’t sure they would be walking across the stage or those that I can see great things destined for them. Before I realize it, I am packing my bags to return ‘home’, and yet this has become home.

It is bittersweet. I am happy to be returning to my family, to the States, to home and all things familiar and comfortable. I am happy that another school year has finished with its own unique successes and new relationships forged and deepened.

But.

In the back of my heart, I long to make the experience just a couple days longer, make one more connection, see one more light bulb go on. I realize that the closing of a chapter is happening. No matter how many times a student comes back to visit my classroom to say hi, or how many times I return to visit a country, it will never be the same. I close my classroom door for the last time and I step off the plane onto America soil. Already, as I get into the car to go home, I think……”next year”, “next trip”…..

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I Blank Ya, Tomorrow.....

School starts tomorrow. The song from "Annie" popped into my head as I was typing the title and I couldn't really bring myself to type love, nor could I be the opposite of love about tomorrow.

I don't love the fact that my summer is officially over at 5:30 am Tuesday morn, but I am excited to start school. Maybe not excited as in jumpin' up and down and clapping my hand excited, but I do still have the getting back into school mode/frame of mind going on. There are things that I like/love about teaching still. Therefore, there are things that I can still get all amped up about at the beginning of the year.

I also know that I will not be teaching in high school for my whole career. I just know that I will hit a point that I am done. I almost was there last August. I could not get ramped up; in fact, I was pretty sourpuss-y until probably late November about teaching. I am working on an exit strategy within the next five or so years, just in case. Maybe I won't be ready in five, but it doesn't hurt to plan.

A wise friend once said: "Prior Planning Prevents Problems." Actually, I must give credit to her dad, but the kernel of wisdom rings true. Not that I really adhere to the logic for most of my daily experiences.........it is pretty much the opposite of Raccoon Baby Syndrome.

Body Snatched.

Is it wrong that I like a brand new pencil?

Or a new packet of Bic Flair Pens....not just the black, red and blue pen pack but the Big Honkin' Colors Galore Pack? Like Deeeeees:

New folders? Crisp, undamaged.

Clean whiteboards, no crud on the classroom floor.....it all reeks of huge potential. A brand new year, a brand new start, quite possibly the best school year ever. Or so I sometimes tell myself in the high school girl voice a la Valley Girl speak.

Reality is delayed a bit even once school starts. I have one and a half, maybe two weeks in a good year, where my "real" students have not arrived yet. I have what I have termed as my "Body Snatched" students.

They brim with potential, they ooze positive attitude, they have also convinced themselves that this is going to be a new year, a new start, this is the year that they will do well in school. And for most of them, they do just fine. Then the "Body Snatched" students start to disappear and are replaced by the real students when the first test or project is due. Then, old habits of staying up late IMing friends or watching TV until 2 am or going and hanging out with friends instead of doing homework, whatever the reason.......the truth finally comes to light.

Every year it happens, and every year I wish it wouldn't. But, that would be living in a bubble and not in reality. I am already accused enough of not living in reality much of the time.

I will continue to try and help the Body Snatched stick around a little longer. That is my mission this year. I'll keep you posted.

Countdown to first day of school: 6 days and counting.

Olympics? Huh?

So. We don't have TV. By choice. We have A TV, we just don't get any stations.

Yep, it was my idea--my proposal---my "extreme lifestyle suggestion", and I got called on it, and now we haven't had TV for a year last April.

I love it.

SER-iously.

Here was my reasoning:

We (read: I) were spending way too much time crashed in front of the TV, mindlessly watching HGTV (I Heart HGTV and miss it.), Food Network, Spike TV, Travel Channel, etc. You may have noticed the word mindlessly. It seems to have been a theme in areas of my life in the past. Mindlessly eating, mindlessly watching TV, mindlessly driving, mindlessly finding the cure for cancer........the list goes on, people.

Since I didn't have the self control to just not eat what I didn't want, not watch TV when I didn't want to watch it, etc.-----we would just remove the temptation.

And I really feel obligated to tell you: I love not having TV.

I am way more productive. Or I feel like I am. I might waste time on the computer, but I feel like I am usually learning something or doing something productive..........I know--checking the photos of the day on the "People" website probably doesn't count.

Now, when we want to watch something, it is mindful. It is on purpose.

We have to plan out and go to the library to check out a video (Series right now: Prime Suspect with Helen Mirren. I heart her.)

OR we have to purposefully, mindfully get in the car and go to the video store to rent a movie. And it can't be crap. We both have to agree on it; there have been a couple times this summer we have left empty handed. I KNOW!!!!! I can't believe it either.

OR we use an iTunes gift card and download a season of a show. Current series: West Wing. I heart this show. I could watch these over and over (Until about season 5 and then it got a little hokey cheesy trying too hard for my tastes....); which is why we are buying the series. The writing was so good.

Needless to say, I watch much less TV. Plus, I love telling my high school kids, dropping it slyly into a lecture or casual conversation, that I don't have TV.

Stupification. Looks of utter lack of comprehension. A few looks of fear and panic. They don't get it. Some even drool or go into catatonic state.

I see "Does Not Compute." flashing behind their eyes alternating with a red flashing warning of "System Overload". They cannot fathom a life that is not electronically connected 24/7.

How do I get the news? they ask. Internet. The radio in the morning. This thing called the newspaper.

Which brings me back to the title of the post. I have not watched one minute of the Olympics. Not one. I heard about the 8 golds, I heard about the Swedish wrestler (Poor form, poor form, dude.), the Chinese gymnasts, the US Softball team, the Opening Ceremonies, the Beach Volleyball team.......I got the highlights.

There are some times when we wish we had TV. We have said, "Tonight would be a good night to veg in front of the tube." And then, since we can't........we find something to do.

I feel like Half-Pint.....except for me, it would more realistically be "Full Quart" or "Half Gallon"....going back to Pioneer days.