Ruminating.

You can see that I have quite a blog list of blogs that I follow....pretty much on a daily basis.  Often, I wonder whether I have a blog to write or a blog to have easy access to my blogs I check in on....all in one convenient spot.  Some days it is a little bit of column A and a little bit of column B.  Today,   I  read something in  C. Jane Kendrick's post that resonated with me.

"I want my desires to take up less space in my reality."

I have a wonderful life, a wonderful husband, a wonderful dog and I don't know that I stop to view it as wonderful as it all is...as often as I really should.    I am a confirmed  daydreamer.  I won't ever stop this activity, it is part of my nature, who I am.  Plus, I enjoy it.  But the risk in daydreaming is that it can lead to a sense of unrest;  there is an unspoken ambition....correction: a potential ambitiousness.   The implication  is that you will discover a kernel of what you want and then make it happen.    And then you will be done/happy/complete???

But there is the rub, no?  Daydreaming often does not become reality.  Isn't that sort of the definition of daydreaming?  All the What If's, the dream of what your life could be like?  There are many things that I have daydreamed about  that have come to fruition: joining the Peace Corps, travel in general, iplanetude.com,  becoming a teacher, losing weight,  the list is  one that I am proud of----I have made some of my dreams a reality.

I think it is human nature to have desires, to want.  One of my umbrella wants has been and most likely will always be to travel.  It isn't about seeking something that I am missing in my life.  At one time, it probably was---more than I would like to admit.  Seeking a life, seeking drama, seeking adventure.  But the one constant in my attraction to go other places, whether it is across the ocean or across the state, is  a curiosity.  I just want to see  how it is somewhere else.  Just because. With maybe a dash or sprinkling of Raccoon Babyness in as well. 

The side effect of this curiosity is a good one for me.    It becomes a confirmation that I do love my life and it is a life that I have chosen and created because it is what fits for me. I can daydream about what my life might be like in a new location if that were the life I were to choose. I can try it on for daydream size.  In the daydream, the life is perfect.  There are no problems, or bills to pay, or dogs that get sick or language barriers or dissatisfaction or arguments.  That is not reality. 

Ultimately, I choose the life I have. Travel creates an appreciation for what is in front of me....directly in front of me.  Not in in front of me, far off, just out of reach.  

There will always be desires  in front of me, just out of reach.  And I don't think that is a bad thing.    I just needed to be reminded  that what I have  directly in front of me and who I am  is what I have chosen.  I missed my boys while I was gone.  When I traveled as a younger woman, I didn't have that base, that HOME. It feels good to be HOME.  This is my reality and it was a timely reminder in her post today.  I can't let my desires for travel crowd out the fantastic-ness that is right in front of me.  The daydream of travel can't hold a candle to my reality that I have chosen.  It may not fit for someone else, but it fits just perfect for me.