Ruminating.

You can see that I have quite a blog list of blogs that I follow....pretty much on a daily basis.  Often, I wonder whether I have a blog to write or a blog to have easy access to my blogs I check in on....all in one convenient spot.  Some days it is a little bit of column A and a little bit of column B.  Today,   I  read something in  C. Jane Kendrick's post that resonated with me.

"I want my desires to take up less space in my reality."

I have a wonderful life, a wonderful husband, a wonderful dog and I don't know that I stop to view it as wonderful as it all is...as often as I really should.    I am a confirmed  daydreamer.  I won't ever stop this activity, it is part of my nature, who I am.  Plus, I enjoy it.  But the risk in daydreaming is that it can lead to a sense of unrest;  there is an unspoken ambition....correction: a potential ambitiousness.   The implication  is that you will discover a kernel of what you want and then make it happen.    And then you will be done/happy/complete???

But there is the rub, no?  Daydreaming often does not become reality.  Isn't that sort of the definition of daydreaming?  All the What If's, the dream of what your life could be like?  There are many things that I have daydreamed about  that have come to fruition: joining the Peace Corps, travel in general, iplanetude.com,  becoming a teacher, losing weight,  the list is  one that I am proud of----I have made some of my dreams a reality.

I think it is human nature to have desires, to want.  One of my umbrella wants has been and most likely will always be to travel.  It isn't about seeking something that I am missing in my life.  At one time, it probably was---more than I would like to admit.  Seeking a life, seeking drama, seeking adventure.  But the one constant in my attraction to go other places, whether it is across the ocean or across the state, is  a curiosity.  I just want to see  how it is somewhere else.  Just because. With maybe a dash or sprinkling of Raccoon Babyness in as well. 

The side effect of this curiosity is a good one for me.    It becomes a confirmation that I do love my life and it is a life that I have chosen and created because it is what fits for me. I can daydream about what my life might be like in a new location if that were the life I were to choose. I can try it on for daydream size.  In the daydream, the life is perfect.  There are no problems, or bills to pay, or dogs that get sick or language barriers or dissatisfaction or arguments.  That is not reality. 

Ultimately, I choose the life I have. Travel creates an appreciation for what is in front of me....directly in front of me.  Not in in front of me, far off, just out of reach.  

There will always be desires  in front of me, just out of reach.  And I don't think that is a bad thing.    I just needed to be reminded  that what I have  directly in front of me and who I am  is what I have chosen.  I missed my boys while I was gone.  When I traveled as a younger woman, I didn't have that base, that HOME. It feels good to be HOME.  This is my reality and it was a timely reminder in her post today.  I can't let my desires for travel crowd out the fantastic-ness that is right in front of me.  The daydream of travel can't hold a candle to my reality that I have chosen.  It may not fit for someone else, but it fits just perfect for me.

I Need to Evacuate the Randomness from my Brain.

Here is one way to do so: make a list. I think I have blogged about my undying love for lists. This is not one of those lists. I do love lists where I can cross stuff off. Sometimes it is just a one liner cross off. Sometimes, it is an all out black out so that you can't even read what was just completed. I really haven't ever used check-offs. Nor have I used squiggley wavy lines through an item. I must admit to having used color coding for items yet to do and items completed.

In some areas of my world, I am uber organized. Others.....not so much. Spice cabinet? Organized and labeled.
My office desk at school for the first six months after moving to a new office? Still in boxes. Meh.

1. I love when Lionel snores and dream barks. (Folks, this is a King size bed.)

2. I have lost 32.5 pounds since April as of last Monday.

3. I just got rid of one bag of clothes that were ratty and two bags to sell at the secondhand store. That was so much fun....new wardrobe to fit the new body.

4. I bought a Meyer Lemon Tree and the first lemon is forming with five more blossoms on the way.















5. It has been way easier to lose weight this time around. Like freak-me-out-easier.

6. We have an intricate system of moving colder air around our house. Window unit plus the "Hawaiian Breeze" fan on the first level. The Breeze may be Hawaiian in nature, but the sound is akin to a jet engine at take off. That sucker is loud.

7. I rarely have reaction to mosquito bites. Which is good in Minnesota.

8. I haven't done anything to prepare for school starting like I thought I would (And that is on my summer to do list....) other than put the school calendar dates into my planner. Oh, I also went to school and GOT the planner. See? I am accomplishing things....

9. I am completely fine with the level of accomplishments in number 8. I am enjoying my summer and nap schedule.

10. Sometimes, I don't recognize myself in the mirror---my face looks thinner. I do a little inner I-am-proud-of-myself-dance when that happens.

11. I am learning how to knit this summer. I feel like I am 72. But I really like it. I am making my second hat right now. We will not be discussing the first hat----felting incident gone wrong. So very wrong.

12. Benchwarmers was a stupid movie, but I cannot control myself at the part where the guy who hates the sun has to go outside to get the girl scout cookies....I am laughing out loud by myself right now. With the Samurai sword and the screaming and the sticking the hand out to test the sun. Who is that guy again? The butterfly guy from Chuck and Larry??

13. Still laughing.

14. I took a mozzarella cheese making class Wednesday. I thought it would be starting from "scratch" and milk. Nope. I feel a little cheated as it was started from mozzarella curds. Essentially, the instructor heated up the curds to melt them together to form a fresh mozzarella ball. I think it should be classified as less "making" and more "reconstituting". Truth in advertising, my friends, truth in advertising.

15. What was the point of calling cards in a social sense? "Hey, I was here."? It seems weird.

16. In the battle of Me v. Spiders? I am losing. I thought I got all the cobwebs last week....month? Turns out not so much. I tell myself: "The house is 115 years old, spiders are going to live in your house with you." (The truth is, I don't necessarily fear spiders....I just have Spider Karma Issues. Like if I kill one, all the Spider Buddies will gang up and come and crawl all over me while I slumber. Someone else in my house doesn't help matters by talking about laying spider eggs in/on me while I sleep....)

17. I made a Plum Crisp last night. It was pretty good...the plums were ripe.

Ah....more space has been freed in my head. And now, off to walk the beast before it gets Africa Hot and Carribean Humid.