Ruminating.

You can see that I have quite a blog list of blogs that I follow....pretty much on a daily basis.  Often, I wonder whether I have a blog to write or a blog to have easy access to my blogs I check in on....all in one convenient spot.  Some days it is a little bit of column A and a little bit of column B.  Today,   I  read something in  C. Jane Kendrick's post that resonated with me.

"I want my desires to take up less space in my reality."

I have a wonderful life, a wonderful husband, a wonderful dog and I don't know that I stop to view it as wonderful as it all is...as often as I really should.    I am a confirmed  daydreamer.  I won't ever stop this activity, it is part of my nature, who I am.  Plus, I enjoy it.  But the risk in daydreaming is that it can lead to a sense of unrest;  there is an unspoken ambition....correction: a potential ambitiousness.   The implication  is that you will discover a kernel of what you want and then make it happen.    And then you will be done/happy/complete???

But there is the rub, no?  Daydreaming often does not become reality.  Isn't that sort of the definition of daydreaming?  All the What If's, the dream of what your life could be like?  There are many things that I have daydreamed about  that have come to fruition: joining the Peace Corps, travel in general, iplanetude.com,  becoming a teacher, losing weight,  the list is  one that I am proud of----I have made some of my dreams a reality.

I think it is human nature to have desires, to want.  One of my umbrella wants has been and most likely will always be to travel.  It isn't about seeking something that I am missing in my life.  At one time, it probably was---more than I would like to admit.  Seeking a life, seeking drama, seeking adventure.  But the one constant in my attraction to go other places, whether it is across the ocean or across the state, is  a curiosity.  I just want to see  how it is somewhere else.  Just because. With maybe a dash or sprinkling of Raccoon Babyness in as well. 

The side effect of this curiosity is a good one for me.    It becomes a confirmation that I do love my life and it is a life that I have chosen and created because it is what fits for me. I can daydream about what my life might be like in a new location if that were the life I were to choose. I can try it on for daydream size.  In the daydream, the life is perfect.  There are no problems, or bills to pay, or dogs that get sick or language barriers or dissatisfaction or arguments.  That is not reality. 

Ultimately, I choose the life I have. Travel creates an appreciation for what is in front of me....directly in front of me.  Not in in front of me, far off, just out of reach.  

There will always be desires  in front of me, just out of reach.  And I don't think that is a bad thing.    I just needed to be reminded  that what I have  directly in front of me and who I am  is what I have chosen.  I missed my boys while I was gone.  When I traveled as a younger woman, I didn't have that base, that HOME. It feels good to be HOME.  This is my reality and it was a timely reminder in her post today.  I can't let my desires for travel crowd out the fantastic-ness that is right in front of me.  The daydream of travel can't hold a candle to my reality that I have chosen.  It may not fit for someone else, but it fits just perfect for me.

Waiting 102: Pretty Much Failing the Class.

We had a showing, as you know, on Sunday.

They came back for a second showing yesterday.

They torment.  We have heard nothing.  

Dear Nice Lady,

Please tell us you want to live in this house.  You will really like the house.  I met you because you came early and I think it would be a really good fit...the house and you.  See how I am not even calling it our house?

I think it---the house---wants to be your house.

Can you hear that?  

I think the house is pleading for you to call your realtor who will call our realtor who will call us and tell us that you also think it would be a really good fit....the house and you.

Think about it, K?

K.  Enough thinking.  Pick up the phone and start the circus.

Huh.  I was thinking what a great movie moment that would have been if I had finished typing and the phone rang and it was our realtor and it all was coming true---just as I was creating it.

What's it like in my world, you ask?  

Pretty.  And shiny.  And full of people who are too nice to torment me any longer and decide to buy our house. 

 (Dang it.  It's not going to work, huh?)

K, call me back, K?

Shiny Raccoon Baby Syndrome.

If there was a class in Life titled: "Waiting 101", I would fail. Well, I wouldn't fail, but I would probably be in the "D" neighborhood.

Really.

I have Shiny Raccoon Baby Syndrome. I will admit that this affliction may or may not have contributed to us getting in this situation in the first place. Some people may disagree with my syndrome's level of culpability and say that it was THE reason we are in this predicament.

Shiny Raccoon Baby Syndrome: chronic "distractability" by new, bright, shiny things that are eventually (some might argue in acute cases, "Quickly" instead of "eventually") replaced by the next shiny, bright, new thing to compete for the attention of the victim. Side effects may include focusing so intently on the shiny brightness that important details are not noticed until too late. Or perhaps their importance is not noted until it is too late. No known cure.

Remember: "Waiting 101": D

So. It has come to this. Yesterday, our neighbor asked, "Have you planted St. Joseph?"

Huh?

Now, much to my mother's disappointment and how many years of R.E.P. (Religious Education Program), I am no longer a practicing Catholic. There it is. Nor am I really looking to get back in the groove. I am willing, however, to use what might help us sell this house....and in this case, it just might be St. Joseph.

Ironically, I just read about this in an article a couple of days ago, last week, last month....it was recently. Apparently, you "plant" (bury) a figure of St. Joseph in your yard and he helps your house sell. I am willing to give it a shot.

So we bought this:

Yep. An actual St. J figurine. WITH instructions.

Various details and specifications on how/where to bury him:

-upside down

-in the rear yard

-3' from the rear of the house

-facing the house

-simply placed on the property

-right-side up

-in the FRONT yard

-exactly 12" deep

-facing away from the house

-when house sells, remove figurine

There appears to be a bit of contradictory information here.

The instructions we got with the St. Joe say that all that doesn't mean anything. Wonderful! "What does mean everything is that the seller asks St. Joseph for his help, believes that he will intercede and trusts him." That's it.

They also included a prayer, if you are so inclined. Oh and if you sell your house for more than expected, an offering to St. Joseph might be in line.

For those of you that are already sending emissaries my way because you detect a mocking tone: Stop right there. There is no mocking. I never knew this existed. I am kind of amazed that it has packaging and 1960's advertising script and apparently this is the "authentic" St. Joseph....it is in the first picture, in green cursive writing, I am not sure that you can read it.

Who am I to say that it doesn't work? Does St. Joseph care if I haven't been to mass in probably over 10 years? Or that the last time I went was at Christmas Eve and I pretty much bawled through the whole mass because I thought the music was so beautiful and was a little jealous of someone whose faith is so deep, strong, undying that they create such music or build beautiful monuments to inspire and awe......or rely and trust in their God to take care of them or have a higher purpose or plan. I don't have that kind of faith. I don't consider myself an unreligious person, or unspiritual....I just don't think Catholicism is the gig for me.

I am of the mindset, and absolutely NO disrespect meant here, that religions, God, Gods, high powers, what-have-you......is like ice cream. The different world religions are all ice cream, just different flavors that appeal to different situations, different people, different cultures.

Which brings me back to St. Joe. If it is all symbolic, then does it matter that I haven't been to mass? I don't think so. If that means that I believe that the symbol can help--or at the very least can't hurt---then, what is the harm? I can't prove that it doesn't work? (And eventually the house will sell, so it will always have the possibility to be attributed to this symbolic act.)

Even for Catholics, true believers, burying St. Joseph and asking him for help can be symbolic. I realize that having faith is believing something even though you can't prove or disprove it.

In any case, we have to pick a spot and remember to mark it. You are supposed to dig him up and take him with you to your new house and place him in a place of honor for his help.

I'll keep ya posted. Over and out.